


Touch Me

by TheLawyersKeeper



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 01:11:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17612603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLawyersKeeper/pseuds/TheLawyersKeeper
Summary: Bucky won't touch Steve. He doesn't get it.Until he does.





	Touch Me

Steve swallowed down his jealousy as Sam rubbed Bucky's back at the counter. There were countless reasons why Sam getting so affectionate with Bucky bothered him, and he wasn't too proud to admit that it actually had very little to do with him dating Maria.

Nope, Steve was jealous because _he_ was supposed to hold Bucky. _He_ was supposed to whisper in his ear, help him cut his hair back to his old style that nearly brought Steve to his knees the first time he saw it. But _no,_ Sam got to and it wasn't fair. True, Steve had never breached the subject of their old relationship, convincing himself he just needed Bucky back.

Turns out he needed more and it was killing him.

* * *

 

Game night was always lively and tonight was no exception. But Maria had decided to join so Bucky was seated next to Steve - who resolutely kept his distance. When Bucky wanted affection he'd let it be known. Steve wasn’t going to push for something Bucky clearly wasn’t comfortable to do with him yet. After the third game Bucky had quietly sat out, merely watching the festivities with his head balanced on his hand, small smile occasionally dancing across his face as the others all played. Steve watched him out of the corner of his eye as he flexed his hands, watching Sam and Maria and occasionally looking over at him. He could definitely empathize with Bucky, it sucked longing for someone who was with someone else. Like when Bucky was with Dot.

 

Eventually they'd given up on the games and we're all sitting around chatting when it happened. Bucky was tired and Steve could see it, so really he had no reason to react the way he did. He was laughing at something Tony had said when a soft pressure was placed on his shoulder.

"Hey Steve-" Steve jumped about a foot in the air once he realized that it was _Bucky's_ hand on his shoulder causing the pressure. Bucky was _touching him._ Steve’s heart immediately screamed out in relief at the realization hat Bucky wanted to touch him again. He was stunned, living under the constant worry that he’d never get that again.

Of course, he blew it and his leap of surprise triggered immediate reactions from the Avengers. Thor leapt to his feet, Tony threw his arm across Pepper and Natasha had pointed a gun at Bucky's head. They could joke all they wanted to, and Bucky could sit and watch quietly and smile at their jokes. But in that moment, it became all too clear just how little the Avengers trusted their newest roommate.

And how ready they were to kill him.

"Shit" Sam murmured as Steve looked over at his best friend. His heart broke when he took him in.

Bucky still looked tired, but his face was white and eyes wide as saucers as he held his hands up in surrender. His whole body coiled in fear as he gaged the threats around him but made no attempt to help himself, merely pressing his body into the corner of the couch as far away from Steve as possible. So the Captain wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. Steve sighed heavily through his nose and plastered on a smile.

"Sorry Buck, you startled me there. What's up?" Bucky's eyes warily watched the room as the others stood down.

"J-Just wanted to let you know I was going to bed is all" he looked equal parts devastated and humiliated and Steve hated himself a little more.

"Yeah, okay. Have a good night, I'll be up in  a bit" Bucky nodded and all but ran from the room. Sam sighed heavily and whispered something to Maria before taking off after the ex-assassin, Maria sending Steve a quick glance before encouraging everyone to go back to the game. Steve growled low in his throat and made his own excuses as he went to bed.

"You're okay, s'okay man..." Steve felt the ugly jealousy climb into his throat as Sam's soft voice echoed from Bucky's room. He felt his own tears fill his eyes as Bucky whimpered, murmuring something Steve couldn’t make out. Sam’s voice echoed a soft but firm no and Bucky let out a sob. Steve wiped his own eyes and clenched his hands into fists before running to his room. Determined to ignore them.

* * *

 

"We need to talk" Sam marched up to the punching bag that was well on its way to becoming Steve's latest victim.

"Sure" Steve kept hitting and Sam shifted next to the bag

"About Barnes" Steve stopped and looked at him, forcing a shrug.

"Hey, if you're happy I'm happy for you. Just maybe break up with Maria first" he started to walk away when he found himself sprawled on the floor, he flipped around and found himself brought up short. Sam was mad.

No.

Sam was livid.

"You got a fucking pair on you Rogers you know that!" Steve scrambled to his feet and looked at him warily before his own temper got the better of him.

"What!? You're the one falling all over him!"

"He's fucking _touch starved_ Steve! He needs it, and you're sure as shit not helping!" Steve swallowed and gaped at Sam with wide, hurt eyes.

"W-what?" Sam sighed

"That's what I want to talk to you about man. I can't do it anymore and honestly I'm not the one whose gunna be able to help him either" the two sat on the bench and Sam scribed his face.

"Barnes has spent the past 70 years not being touched at all or only touched when he was being beaten or maintained he has to relearn what positive touch is, but he can't do it alone"

"So you decided to be his hero" Steve scoffed, he knew it was rude but he was mad, why didn't Bucky just tell him himself? Sam snarled.

"Because, you _asshole_. In case you didn't notice, people aren't exactly lining up to hug him. Fuck, you saw what happened Friday. Half the team is still terrified of him and the only people he trusts enough is you, me and Natasha. And in case you didn't notice Nat isn't exactly captain snuggle" Steve swallowed and looked down at his hands, Sam wasn't wrong.

"He's got a lot of guilt man, and he's convinced he doesn't deserve you. It took me weeks to convince him that a tap was okay, and you blew that right to Hell" Steve sniffed as tears of guilt and frustration began to well up in his eyes and Sam softened a little.

"He still loves you man. It's why he cut his hair. He thinks of he looks enough like the old him, you'll love the new him"

"I already love him Sam"

"I know that, you gotta tell him" with that he walked away, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts.

It started small. A pat on the back here, a grip on the knee there. Each time Bucky would look at him wide-eyed and shocked.

On one particular occasion, Steve had gone as far as to gently tug his hair as he walked into the kitchen one morning. The sound of Bucky dropping his spoon into his cereal bowl making Steve bite his lip to keep from giggling.

Bucky never tried to instigate a touch again, but slowly but surely he stopped jumping and staring at Steve every time he touched him.

* * *

 

It continued slowly until Steve went on a mission. He was gone for days, and when he came home he was more than a little roughed up. All he wanted to do was take a hot shower and crawl up in his bed.

He wasn’t expecting Bucky to still be awake when he walked in at three in the morning, nor was he expecting him to be sitting up with the TV on covering the footage of the battle where Steve was unceremoniously thrown through three buildings before dropping two hundred feet into a river.

“Hey Buck…” Bucky’s head spun around and he was over the back of the seat in an instant. The glow of the stove light illuminating his face, dark bags letting Steve know Bucky likely hadn’t slept since he left.

Bucky charged towards him, stopping abruptly as he brought his hands out, stopping just short of touching him. Steve felt his chest ache as he watched his friend war with himself, his energy screaming out how much he just wanted to touch Steve, but his trembling form indicating how afraid he was to do so.

Steve watched him flutter his hands around him, face a mixture of distress and concern as he looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Steve… You’re hurt” Steve dropped his shield as everything fell into place. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t _want_ to touch him. It wasn’t that Bucky _couldn’t_ touch him. It was actually so much worse.

Bucky didn’t think he was _allowed_ to touch him.

Steve’s exhaustion exploded ten-fold. Here he was, at home with the one person he trusted above all others, and this exact person was too afraid to touch him because he didn’t think he deserved it.

_“He still loves you man”_

_“… He’s convinced he doesn’t deserve you”_

Sam’s words rang in his head and he slowly stepped forward, leaning his head forward until his forehead was resting on Bucky’s collarbone, eyes drifting shut as Bucky’s arms still nervously fluttered around him.

“M’so tired Buck” he murmured, loosely wrapping his arms around his tapered waist. Bucky held still for a moment before slowly wrapping his arms around him.

“S’okay Stevie, I gotcha” Steve felt his body melt into the embrace and bit back a giggle of surprise as Bucky tenderly scooped him up into his arms and moved him towards his bedroom, gently laying him down on his bed before standing back hesitantly. Steve shuffled over and patted the bed, ignoring the fact that he was still covered in debris, river water and blood.

“Stay” Bucky nodded and gently laid down, allowing Steve to burrow into his chest and held him lovingly.

“Go to sleep Stevie”

* * *

 

When Steve woke up the next morning to the feeling of a warm cloth running over his face, he felt a lot better than he had in a long time.

“Hey” Bucky looked down at him with soft eyes, hesitating only slightly from where he was wiping Steve’s face.

“Hi” he slowly finished his stroking and gently pulled away, Steve shot his hand out and grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t stop touching me again” he knew he sounded weak, that his exhaustion and desperation where bleeding into his voice.

But the look of pure relief on Bucky’s face as he pressed his lips to Bucky’s hand made it all worth it. He let out a soft smile and set the basin down, laying down next to him again and pressing their foreheads together.

“I thought-“

“Because you’re an idiot”

“Punk”

“Jerk” Bucky finally stopped hesitating and leaned down to press his lips to his.

And Steve finally felt whole again.


End file.
